I Hate Surprises
by tvaddict23
Summary: Jack has always hated surprises - can Sam change his mind?


**A/N: **I haven't written anything in ages, and this is also my first Sam/Jack fic. Not beta'd so all mistakes are mine. PWP – not so much Plot What Plot, but Plot With Porn.

**Disclaimer**: As always, the characters are not mine, they belong to MGM, Double Secret and World Gekko Productions et al.

* * *

I HATE SURPRISES

It was the third store she'd entered in the last two hours. Although he'd insisted no gifts be exchanged for any occasion, Sam wanted to get Jack something little. However, other than the Simpsons, she really couldn't think of anything in the 'reasonably small' price range, that she felt suited him. Something to do with astronomy was generally in the higher price range, and therefore out of the question. The Simpsons were the next obvious choice. There were any number of collectibles out there that she was sure he'd enjoy, but she felt that was really too predictable.

Spotting a small novelty gift store, she entered with hopes high and fingers crossed. Sam browsed the large variety of board games – mostly collectable, based on movies, TV shows, soft drink brands and, oooh, what was this, a Harley Davidson Trivial Pursuit. Sam shook her head. This was shopping for Jack, not herself, but she'd definitely check that one out at a later date.

There were dozens of jigsaw puzzles – which she nixed straight away. The Colonel didn't seem the puzzle type. Brainteasers – he was by no means stupid, but why push the matter? Models of various aircraft, ships and cars abounded. _'Doubtful,'_ she thought, _'but then again maybe as a last ditch alternative.'_

It was shortly after that she came upon a small selection with some unusual games; like the pot and hemp games – both hopefully not his style. Various Drinking Games, but that was useless, as no one in their group needed games as an excuse to drink. Except Teal'c maybe…oooh, what was this?

Jackpot! – no pun intended.

Taking the item to the counter, she waited while the customer in front was being served. It was then that another item caught her eye. Smiling broadly she picked out the most garish one she could find. The previous customer had finished their transaction, and Sam laid the items on the counter. The clerk gave her a grin as he rang up the total, paying the relatively small amount she left the store – mission accomplished.

SG-1

They were at their normal breakfast table, the colonel was tucking into his usual bowl of Froot Loops, and she was in the middle of a surprisingly good bowl of fruit salad. Teal'c and Daniel had yet to join them.

Looking up briefly Sam smiled. "By the way, Happy Birthday Sir."

O'Neill looked up a little surprised. "Huh?" he grunted around a mouthful of cereal.

"Well, it is your birthday today Sir."

Swallowing, Jack grimaced. "Oh yeah. I forgot. Was hoping everyone else would too." He looked at her suspiciously. "Okay, what's been planned?"

Sam looked at him innocently. "I have no idea what you're talking about Sir."

Jack dropped his spoon into his bowl, appetite suddenly gone. "Cut the crap Major. If you remembered, I can't imagine that the rest of my little team would forget."

He stared at her. Smiling a little she finished off her salad. "They know how you feel about your birthday, and surprises in general Sir, I'm sure they haven't got anything too drastic planned."

Jack looked at her trying to decipher the look on her face. She was a lousy liar, and her eyes sparkled with suppressed humour. "Oh c'mon Carter, please tell the guys to call whatever they have planned off. You know how much I really hate my birthday, surprises and especially surprise parties of the birthday kind that involve me!"

Sam stood and grabbed her tray. "I suggest that you talk to them Sir. And again…happy birthday Jack." She gave him one of her 1000 mega-watt smiles as she turned to leave.

Jack watched her deposit the empty tray and leave the commissary. _'Oh boy does she have a fantastic ass,'_ he thought. Momentarily distracted by one of his 2IC's more spectacular physical assets he didn't notice Daniel sliding into the chair Sam had just vacated.

"Hey Jack," he said with a big smile.

"Don't even think about it Danny-boy," O'Neill said sharply.

Daniel's eyebrows rose to his hairline. "Good morning to you too."

Jack sat back in his chair. "I know what you're planning and I want you to cancel it."

Daniel looked confused. "I don't know what you're talking about Jack."

"It's my birthday, and I know that you know that I don't want any parties. Especially of the surprise kind."

Daniel looked hurt. "Would I do that to you?"

Jack fixed him with the, 'don't try to bullshit me' look.

"Okay, yeah I would, but after running it by Sam, she convinced me that you'd really hate it, so I nixed the idea. But I was thinking that the four of us and maybe General Hammond, Janet and Cassandra could have dinner and drinks somewhere. So, what do you say? There'll be cake."

Jack shook his head. The cake did sound good, so did spending the evening with the people that had become his family. Not to mention the one person in particular whom he wanted to get to know in a decidedly less than familial way.

Having resigned himself to his fate, Jack pulled up at Café Uno at precisely 20.00hrs. Scanning the car park, he noticed that the others had already arrived. Sighing heavily, and still not too thrilled about having agreed, Jack made his way inside.

Sam was standing near the entrance. She'd obviously been waiting for him. They wound their way through the restaurant and reached the door to what must have been a private function room. Alarm bells started ringing loudly in the back of his brain. _'If this is a __**small**__ gathering…?' _

"Ah Carter, this seems exactly like what I specifically asked you NOT to do. You know it could be construed as defiance of a direct order."

Sam turned and smiled. "Yes Sir." She opened the door, and he found that half of SGC were waiting for him. In front was one Major General Hammond.

"Thing is," she continued. "General Hammond out ranks you and well…surprise."

"You know how much I hate surprises Carter. Especially since I made it clear that I REALLY didn't want this." Jack was smiling an almost rictus type smile.

Sam sidled closer as they made their way into the room. "I'm really sorry Jack, but by the time you mentioned it this morning it was too late, General Hammond had already sworn me to secrecy, besides which he was the one in charge, and I didn't want to defy one of his direct orders either."

Jack accepted the many well wishes as graciously as he could. Two tables had been set up with food. One was mostly of a variety of cakes. Jack smiled at that. It was probably Sam's doing. Another table held savoury dishes. Pizza the prominent dish, although there were other fingers foods as well. The final table held quite a few gifts. Jack shook his head. This was what sucked the most, having to act pleased over gifts that he either didn't want, couldn't use or already had.

'_Good thing there's an open bar,' _he thought as he walked to the opposite side of the room. "Heineken please," he said as he leaned against the counter. The bartender handed him his beer. Leaning against the bar, he watched the people milling about. Well that was a lie, he was actually watching a certain blonde major talking animatedly with Walter Harriman. A grin split her face. Damn he loved that smile.

As if sensing his eyes on her Sam turned and the grin morphed into a full-blown smile. She excused herself from the Techie and wove her way through the crowd. "So, Jack. Is it really that bad?"

He looked at her, "It could be worse, at least you're here."

Sam gave him a querying look. "Sir…Jack?"

"Well, you're my 2IC, it wouldn't be right if you weren't here," he said quickly hoping he'd covered quickly enough to convince her that there was nothing more behind his previous statement.

"Thank you Jack, that means a lot to me." _'Well, I guess my gift to him is going to be perfect,'_ she thought. There had been a moment or two when she'd thought that maybe her gift wasn't such a good idea after all, but after seeing the look on his face and his little admission, she was sure he'd like her surprise.

SG-1

Two hours later, and Jack was bored. Very, very bored. The gifts had been opened around half an hour before, and as he'd guessed they were mostly things he'd never use, didn't want to use, didn't know how to use or were typically cliché gag gifts. The strangest gift of all though was from Sam. She'd given him a pair of fluffy dice. Not only was it weird, but it was also at least fifteen years out of date, originally marketed for someone at least half his age, and just sadly retro.

It was the last gift he'd unwrapped, and he was dying to know why the hell she'd thought he'd like something so gaudy – it was purple and orange – and so not him. Worst of all, he knew he'd have to put it in his car to make her happy. Looking around he couldn't see her anywhere, to actually ask this question. Taking a deep breath, he skulled the rest of his beer and decided to take his leave while he was still able to drive.

SG-1

He stood in the car park and looked for Sam's car. It was still where he'd seen it when he arrived, so she was either still inside or had gone home with someone else. There was a major from SG-14 that was constantly giving her the eye, and he'd watched her talk to him for some time during the course of the night. What the hell made him think she'd be interested in an old war-horse like him?

Sighing heavily he made his way to the car, he took the gaudy gift Sam had given him and hung it from the rear-view mirror. Okay, it was corny, ugly and extremely dated, but he still had to smile. She certainly knew how to make an impression, even if it was by merely giving him a weird ass gift like the fluffy dice.

SG-1

A relatively short time later he pulled up at his home. The night, all things considered hadn't been that bad, though it would've been nice if Sam had come home with him, or at least stayed long enough – if she'd indeed gone home with someone – to explain her gift.

Opening the front door, he shed his jacket and made his way upstairs. After a very quick shower, he made his way to his room. He didn't usually turn on the light, so until he actually pulled back the cover, he never noticed the figure lying quietly in the dark.

As he put one knee on the bed, a soft voice said, "Surprise Jack."

Lunging for the bedside light, he flicked it on to see a vision that had been central to his dreams for more years than he cared to admit. "Sam?!"

Smiling seductively she sat up a little, to show that she was – as far as he could see – naked. His dreams did not do her justice. He was latently aware that he'd been doing an impressive imitation of a fish while his mind processed the breath-taking vision before him. "Sam?!" he repeated.

Again she said, "Surprise Jack. Aren't you curious about your birthday gift?"

"Well yeah, those dice were…great. Really just what I always wanted."

Sam chuckled. Not a giggle, but the much sexier low chuckle that made the blood from his brain divert to his nether regions.

Slowly he climbed in next to her. "What exactly are you doing here?"

"Gee Jack, if I have to explain, you've had too many concussions," she answered. From the bedside table she took two small objects. "Actually I'm here to give you the other part of your gift."

He raised his eyebrow in a very Teal'c like way. "Really?"

"Mmm-hmm." She placed the two objects in his hand.

Looking down at them, he smiled. "This is a much better version than the ones I have hanging in my car."

Sam giggled. "You actually hung that up?"

Climbing in next to her, Jack answered, "Sure, didn't want you to be disappointed if you thought I didn't like your present."

"That's so sweet," she said leaning over and kissing him gently.

Picking up the dice, Jack smiled. "So, are we gonna play?"

"Well, I didn't go to all the trouble to coming here, just to talk." Snuggling closer she added, "Although honestly this is quite nice too."

"Ah yes, but it's my birthday, and I want to play." Shaking the dice in his hand, he let them roll onto the comforter. "Oooh, 'lick' and 'neck'. This is gonna be fun."

Running his hand over her neck, he touched his tongue to a spot just under her jaw. As he moved slowly from one spot to another, he would blow lightly on the areas he'd just moistened. Sam shivered both in excitement and the delicious feeling of his breath on her, cooling the areas he'd so lovingly licked. Once he'd tended to every millimetre of her skin, Sam pushed him back and straddled him, mirroring his ministrations.

Through the haze of unbelievable sensations that were coursing through his body, his mind registered that Sam was indeed entirely naked. His erection grew even harder as she laved her tongue over his Adam's apple.

"Whoa, Sam. Not that this isn't absolutely amazing, but could we please roll the dice again?" he said with a slight strain in his voice.

Sam leaned back as Jack fumbled around for the dice. He finally found them both. Holding his hand to Sam's lips he said, "Blow."

Smiling she blew on his hand, before he threw the dice back onto the bedding. "Oooh, 'Rub' and my 'choice'." Jack smiled lasciviously. "This one's a little more direct." He pulled her closer and lightly ran his hands down her body, before insinuating one between her legs.

The trim triangle there was his goal, and he slowly began to explore her, rubbing the pads of his fingers over her tender nether lips then dipping his fingers into her snug channel and rubbing just inside her opening. Sam bucked into his hand moaning loudly. "Jaaack, stop teasing."

Removing his fingers, he trailed them up toward her clit and continued rubbing until she was in a frenzy. Increasing the pressure, he bought her to her first climax.

Sam slowly came down from her orgasmic high. Taking a break from rolling the dice, Sam kissed Jack passionately. "That was…incredible." Running her hand down his tensed stomach, she grabbed his penis and started reciprocating what he'd just finished with her.

Groaning deeply, Jack pushed her hand away. "Sam honey, you keep doing that and the evening will probably be over."

Sam shrugged and tightened her grip, running her thumb over the tip to gather the pre-cum before milking him some more. Jack hissed. Then took her hand to still it. "Seriously Sam you gotta stop. I really want to play some more first."

Sighing Sam let go and handed Jack the dice. "Okay, let's see what these little guys give me next." Shaking them for a moment he threw them onto the comforter. "'Massage' and 'lips'."

Jack ran his hands up Sam's sides, cupping her face before his moved his fingers to her lips. She licked them before he started a surprisingly erotic massage of an area of her anatomy that she never imagined could feel so good, other than while being kissed.

The look in his eyes darkened, and for some reason, she could tell he was really getting into this. Kissing the ball of his thumb, she slowly sucked the digit into her mouth. Jack moaned and she giggled. This was the best present she'd ever thought of getting anyone. Of course, Jack was the only person she'd ever think of giving this gift to.

Jack stopped his ministrations at her giggle. Arching an eyebrow he asked, "Something funny major?"

"No Sir," she replied.

Damn it made him hot to here her use 'sir' while they were naked in bed and he was slowly seducing her. "Care to share?"

"Just thinking that you're the only one I could've given this gift to and enjoyed it as much as you are."

Jack smiled. "I should hope so." Lowering his hands, to cup her face, he replaced massaging her lips with his own instead of his hands. There was no rule that said he had to massage them with his hands anyway.

They leaned into the searing kiss. Tongues duelling, teeth clashing as they both fought for dominance. Both had to surrender though as the need for oxygen became paramount.

"Wow," Sam panted. "That was…wow."

Smiling smugly Jack pecked her on the lips one last time fore the time being anyway. "So, let's go for roll number four."

A short hunt for the dice, before he shook them in his hand and rolled them again. "'Kiss' and ooh, what's this?…'chest'. Sweet."

Sam tremble slightly in anticipation. The way he'd said 'sweet' gave her an indication of what was next in store for her. His eyes grew even darker as they focused on the next area to be tortured. Slowly leaning forward Jack pecked the tip of one dark-coral coloured nipple then he moved to the other and also gave it a small peck. Sam bought her previously idle hands into play by grabbing the back of his head trying to hold it in place, but he was having none of it. Slowly kissing his way across the valley of her breasts, he again kissed the tip of her nipple.

Sam moaned, "Jack please." She could feel his smile against her naked flesh, but he continued his slow ministrations.

He bought his hands up and lifted one beautifully freckled globe and placed butterfly kisses underneath, around the side, to the top, then back down to the nipple. Lifting the other breast, he repeated the process, this time he made sure to kiss every freckle he could see.

Sam couldn't believe sensations this man was making her feel. She pulled his head closer, and he was left with little choice but to engulf her breast in his warm mouth. She gave a little squeak when he grabbed her nipple with his teeth and grazed the tip.

Jack pulled back as far as she would allow and smiled at her. "What was that noise you just made?"

Confusion showed on her flushed face. "Wh-what noise?"

He dropped his head to the opposite breast and repeated the procedure. Lathing the breast before engulfing it and grazing the tip with his teeth. The same squeak sounded above his head. Smiling he looked up again. "That sound."

Sam looked embarrassed. "I don't think anyone's ever made me make that sound before."

Laughing he continued to explore her chest. Moving up to the breastbone, nipping the skin then soothing the area with his tongue, he mapped every freckle and every (im?)perfection.

His hands searched for the dice lying some distance away. Finally closing his hands around them, he was still lathing his tongue over her chest when he rolled the dice.

Jack smiled, and Sam looked at him. He nodded to the dice. One dice read 'Surprise' and the other 'Your Choice'. Sam smiled, "Cool. So Flyboy what's it gonna be?"

"Well, I would have to say that the 'surprise' will definitely have to be more sucking, with alternate kissing and maybe some nipping along the way. And my choice…ooh, that's a little tougher. I don't really want to restrict myself to just one thing. Soooo, let's just start where we finished off and…"

Jack sucked the soft flesh under her breasts, before raining butterfly kisses down her torso. It was then that he first saw a small object that had previously escaped his attention. Taking it between his teeth he tugged at it causing Sam to gasp. "Oh fuck. Jack!"

Smiling Jack said, "Not exactly regulation is it major?"

Trembling slightly, she breathed heavily. "Well sir, what they don't see, they won't be able to worry about, will they?"

Taking it in his mouth again, he tugged at it a little more. Sam moaned. This was obviously one of her most erogenous zones. Dropping it, he dipped his tongue into the small dip of her belly button before recapturing the ring and tugging gently. The moans had turned to panting, and before he knew what was happening she exploded with her second orgasm.

"Fuck Jack, that was…that was amazing." Dipping her head she captured his lips with her own and gave him a searing kiss. Jack groaned. His cock was sandwiched between their bodies causing an incredibly erotic friction that had him close to blowing. Her crotch was rubbing against the base of his penis, and her juices had already coated is balls.

The seduction he was planning was pushed into high gear. Pushing himself up a little he grabbed her around her waist and lowered her to the bed. Looming above her he positioned himself between her thighs. Leaning down he continued from where he'd left of.

Taking her belly button ring between his teeth again. Tugging on it gently he simultaneously ran his hands up her thighs while trailing his tongue further down to her neatly trimmed pussy. Moving his hands to capture her ass he began to knead them in time with his probing tongue. After a few moments he ran his hands up further to her breasts. Kneading them and teasing the nipples with his fingers, much as he'd done with his mouth.

"Jaaack," Sam whimpered, as the stimulation from two erogenous zones built.

Even through the building orgasm, Sam could feel Jack smile against her thigh. Finally deciding he'd teased her enough, he raised himself slightly. Moving back up her torso, he revisited all the places he met on the way down. Her belly button, and the ring within; her well muscled abs, and finally he joined his hands on her breasts. Paying them equal consideration until a squeeze from Sam's thighs around his hips got his attention. He looked up at her.

"Dammit now! Please," she panted.

Positioning himself above her, he guided himself into her depths. It was an incredible moment for the both of them. Resting for a moment, Jack continued pushing until he was entirely sheathed within her. Both sighed at the perfect coupling.

After giving her a few moments to adjust to his size, Jack began to move slowly in and out. Sam's moans of pleasure encouraged him to go faster, as did her hands that were wandering over his back, pulling at his ass cheeks to go faster and scraping her fingers up his back in a further encouragement to go faster.

Sam lifted her head and took one of his flat nipples into her mouth and worried it to a peak. Jack hissed as she grazed the tip before letting go and moving to its partner.

With so much stimulation Jack didn't know how much longer he could hold out. He was pretty sure she was close again too. Sliding his hand between them, he quickly found her clit and started rubbing it. Alternating between a circular and up and down motion. Within a minute he bought her to a climax. Hips bucking towards him, forcing him to go deeper. After a dozen more thrusts he felt his own orgasm build to a crescendo, as he emptied himself into her. Bucking together in the last throes of orgasm, they both opened their eyes to look at each other.

Smiling widely Jack kissed her gently. Sam giggled in response. "So, how'd you like your surprise Sir?"

Rolling to the side, he caressed her stomach and breasts, then dipped back down to fiddle with her belly-button ring. "Great, I might change my whole opinion of them."

"Well, I don't know if I'll be able to top this," she replied turning to face him.

Watching her, he still for the life of him not figure out why a beautiful creature such as this would chose him. He was so boorish, and she was…he lifted his head to look at her. Well, she was pretty much as close to perfection as one person could get.

"What?" she asked still breathing heavily.

"Just wondering at your sanity," he replied sitting up a little more.

"Why would you do that?"

"You could have any guy you wanted, and you could do a hell of a lot better than me. Yet here you are, giving me one of the best birthday surprises I've ever had, and quite frankly I'm kind of reassessing my whole 'I hate surprises' attitude, coz this one's the best I've ever had, and that includes the first bicycle I got for my 8th birthday."

"First of all, please don't question my taste. Which by the way is impeccable – always has been. I'm here because you are quite simply the most amazing man I've ever met. You have such ingrained qualities that most people no longer know the meaning of. You're honourable, kind – yes I know what you've done in you past was distasteful and has left you with a lot of scars both internal and external – but they just give you an even richer tapestry." She shook her head. "I really don't even know how to continue. It makes me sad though to think that you don't trust me enough to know your character enough, to believe I find you worthwhile."

There were tears in his eyes. Hitching in a breath he said, "Boy, just when I thought things couldn't get better…wow…wow."

"Who knew I'd get my own surprise tonight."

Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Colonel Jack O'Neill…speechless. Wish I could tell everyone else about this, but then they'd find out how it happened, and I don't think either of us are ready for that yet."

Jack nodded sleepily. Drawing Sam closer he positioned her to lie on his chest. "Thank you Sam, for the best birthday ever."

"And thank you Jack for letting me share it with you."

Moments later they were both asleep.

SG-1

A FEW DAYS LATER

Jack was sitting at his usual table, and had almost finished his breakfast when Daniel took the seat opposite him. "So Jack who gave you those damn ugly dice that you've got hanging from your rear-view mirror?"

"Major Carter did."

"Kinda ugly to be displaying like that aren't they?"

With an enigmatic smile on his face he said, "They kinda grow on you Danny-boy."

With that his took his empty dishes and deposited them in the dirty dish trolley, before sticking his hands in his pockets. The actual gift had barely left him since that Saturday night. They were his good luck charm, and the best damn surprise he'd ever been given.

Smiling as he passed Daniel, he said, "They mean a lot more than you could imagine Daniel, and by the way, thanks for the surprise party. It was great."

With that he left the commissary leaving a stunned looking Daniel watching his retreating back.

The End

**A/N **Thank you so much for all those who took the time to review. I hope you liked my first attempt at a SG-1 Sam/Jack fic. I've been thinking of a few more, but I gotta get my mojo working right before I can start something a big as what I'm thinking about.

**FINAL A/N** Just in case you all are wondering what exactly the surprise gift was that Sam got Jack, it was a pair of sex dice. They should be available in any number of places, and yes I did see them in a novelty gift store, hence the idea for the story.

SEX DICE.

DICE 1

Lick

Tickle

Rub

Kiss

Massage

Surprise

DICE 2

Lips

Ears

Neck

Toes

Chest

Your Choice

They also glow in the dark.


End file.
